just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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