He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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