areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
