if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
