Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
