Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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