when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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