Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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