We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
