Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
