She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
