True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
