# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
