real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
