i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
