Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
