the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
