My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
