she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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