cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have feelings that need drinking.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
