i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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