i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Holy sore nipples Batman
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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