I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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