It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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