I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
