ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
