i think my mom watched the whole time
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
