she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
