I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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