I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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