A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
