The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
