Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
