i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
