Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
