I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Bring me that man meat
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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