Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
