I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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