I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
