Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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