Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
