Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
