i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ladies don't puke and tell
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
