You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
