Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
