don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
