I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I supernannyed him into submission
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
