Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
