i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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