my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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