The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
