OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
