Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
