Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
